james brown & clay tyson - i can't stand myself

the whole thing is one riff. fuck choruses.

grant green - idle moments

holy shit

i figured out what to say

Sarah,



Sarah, sarah, sarah.

Goddamn.




I would never have expected the kind of inconsiderateness, disrespect and cruelty I saw this summer from someone I loved.

And I wouldn’t have thought you were capable of it.

You’ve proven me wrong over and over, and I want you to know that you’ve lost my friendship and my respect.

I’m not going to go over the details,
but I will say that the girl that called Kristin Malossi
to say she couldn’t believe Kristin told me about seeing you and Matt
is not the girl I knew.

I don’t want excuses and I don’t want apologies.
It’s too late for that. And you’re not forgiven.

I do want you to know that if I said goodbye and stopped talking to you,
or unfriended you on Facebook,
it’s not about you.
It’s not a punishment and it’s not a statement.
Those are things I did for myself.

I didn’t think I was capable of being disappointed in you anymore,
but you were vein enough to think it was about you,
and ugly enough to confront me about it.
that was everything.

I appreciate it in a way because it made it that much easier to forget about you.

And it helped me find the dignity in being the bigger person.
Like Matt showing up to Paolo’s party
and you showing up to my house yesterday,
and not having the stomach to look me in the eye.
you deserve each other.


I’m telling you this because I want to let go of my hatred and my anger.
Because you’re not worth it.

And if this angers you, or strikes you as unfair,
keep it to yourself.
You owe me that at the least.




OKBYE

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill

new room!

i profiled jackie and persephone for creative loafing.

the CL office is cool.

i covered a meet-n-greet with local politicians in a library. it was so boring.

I dunno, I'm tired all the time. I like the restaurant I'm working at a lot. Business is slow so the money isn't great yet.

Jeremy gets here Tuesday!

How is DC Jordan?
Paolo where are you, how are you? What are you?

Darling,
You asked me to write you a letter, so I am writing you a letter. I do not know why I am writing this letter, or what this letter is supposed to be about, but I am writing it nonetheless, because I love you very much and trust that you have some good purpose for having me write this letter. I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.
Your father

-Jonathan Safran Foer

i don't sleep because i don't want to wake up.

check me out!

the 941

i'll have way cooler stuff up later.

it's what you're doing

The Velvet Underground - Pale Blue Eyes

I applied for a job at Burns' Court, the movie theatre. The application was really personal.

What do you like most about your school experience and why?
Tell us a few of your favortie movies:
Why do you want to work for Sarasota Film Society?


The last question was What does customer service mean to you?

This was my answer:


Customer service means going above and beyond meeting a customer’s every need and expectation. It means being a representative of the employer at all times, even in difficult situations. Mostly, it is making the customer’ sexperience enjoyable.

DRUNKKKK

why does a single photo still devestate me,
through my indifference and,
through my friends?

this is the only appropriate question.
not who is she?
or what the fuck?

i thought i was above this
why am i still here?

and where are the words?

fuck.

play yr part

Weezer - The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)

Yo I totally I understand if you guys aren't feeling this song right now. I heard it months ago and only really started to like it now. I found two jobs today, either of which would be awesome, and I was so fucking excited and elated. I rocked out to this shit driving over the bridge from St. Armands. Mostly the "yeah this is what i like" part just kills me.

So, I'm in Sarasota. I think I'll take photos tomorrow - something about the empty campus is so eerie. The room I'm staying in is a little sad, and so am I. I'm keeping busy though, cooking and biking and even making new friends, like Misha's housemates.

And my house is amazing.

"UGK featuring Andre 3000 - Int'l Player's Anthem

yo i have to write a fucking thesis.

i've been having trouble sleeping.



/ Drunk History /

/ nathan's livejournal /

Madeline Adams - Sleeping Dogs

I haven't told either of you about this blog still, I don't know why. Greg is having a party in SRQ friday, and emily, amber, becky and christian are all supposed to be leaving soon. I've gotta ramble.



I barely ever think about Sarah herself anymore, or us together, or me with her, or anything. Which is so empowering. I've told you this. I do think about what I want to say to her the first time I see her. I think about it all the time. I may have narrowed it down to FUCK YOU. how could you? and ihavenothingtosaytoyou.

I have imagined her showing up to a party at my house.
"Are you serious?" I think to myself. You just show up and expect to say hey and pretend things are cool. Get the fuck out of here.
"Get the fuck out."

I seriously think about this all the time and I know it's not healthy.
I also don't like having this hate in my heart. Remember Charles Gayle? Sometimes I worry that losing so many people I've loved, I'm going to somehow become a colder person.

It's hard to complain on blogs and not feel like a little whiner.

paolo, i've been trying to get a hold of you.
i'm glad you liked broken social scene.

i was trying to explain to pam why i have to go to sarasota.

i can't stand being in this town.

these are the google image/maps search results for orange park, florida.

i know that looks kinda bad paolo, but it's so much worse. jordan can vouch for me. those two green areas on the map are golf clubs, and that's the only green shit in town.

it's not just the town. it's my house. it's my room. the bed, the furniture, the pictures on the wall, the carpet, the tacky fan.

and it's my grandparents. i feel bad because i love them and they're so good to me. but just little things annoy me so much. like i had this bottle of sake in my room that sarah had given me for my birthday. when i got back from new york it was in the freezer. and my grandmother found a paper i had written on my floor and made copies. i just feel like i have no privacy, and they're always snooping around in my stuff and i'm always paranoid. especially because i smoke, though they kinda know that without admitting that they know it to themselves. and they just treat me like a child all the time. ugh. i feel like i'm 13, complaining about my parents not understanding me on my livejournal.

did i ever tell you that they used to call me "the democrat" in my history class? it is like every dumb high school kid you met in sarasota times a million.

it just gets under my skin. i can't bring myself to read for my thesis. i wake up at two every day and feel guilty about it. i watch shitty tv and hang out with pam mostly.

The Mountain Goats - Riches and Wonders

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Modern Mystery

i don't know the most honest way to do this. i ran into your blogs on your computers and read them and i'm sorry for that. they were hard to avoid. it was like the third time it had popped up in paolo's url bar. so i looked. and it didn't seem too private at first glance? i still feel guilty.

i was kind of jealous, because i like the idea a lot, and i know i should write more, and also because you are two people who i want to be closer with.

and i was sad because you had abandoned the blogs. and it is a simple way to communicate, and things are always getting too complicated. that is generally true, and it is especially true with you.

///

i miss new york dearly. i miss the basketball most.
do you know that scene in trainspotting where tommy is sad about getting dumped and someone asks him something about it and he pauses and says,
"...mostly i just miss the sex."

well mostly i just miss the basketball.

i was talking to misha about not knowing if loving pam was a good thing. she got a little annoyed with me.
"kerem. loving someone is always a good thing."
"oh yeah!"

there's something beautiful and haunting about watching this very late at night, high, alone.